I Am So Very Sweaty Right Now

Great title right? Yes. I put my deodorant on this morning. No. I do not have a fever. And no. I did not eat something bad for dinner last night.

I am sweaty right now because I just made this site and my Facebook page public. It is a big thing to put something, like my faith and my life, out there for everyone to see.

Sure. I have my personal Facebook and Instagram where I will occasionally post things about myself or how the family is doing. This is different. I am single-handedly proclaiming my faith in God and leaving myself open and vulnerable to posts, comments, and strong opinions in favor of or in opposition of the things that I am sharing.

It's like that dream where you are standing in front of a group of people in your underwear and you have that nervous tummy. You are sweating from every palm, pit, and pore on your body wondering, "What in the heck am I doing?! I'm nuts and all of these people are laughing at me!"

What I am doing is following what is on my heart. I cannot deny what I feel I am being asked to do, which is to share what I know to be truth and how that truth, feeds into every aspect of my life. Those aspects can be good, bad, ugly, REALLY ugly, joyful, scary, momentous, or mundane.

That's the beauty of life though. We, as women and people, experience those aspects every day of our every day life. It's how we choose to view what life brings us and how we respond to those things, that defines what we get out of it all.

Just yesterday, I wanted to lay in bed all day and bury my head in the sand, pretending that I didn't have therapy to go to or the need to conquer the battlefield that was Costco (that is like an accomplishment all in itself, getting in and out of Costco alive). I had to wrestle with some very real feelings of doubt, sadness, pain, confusion, all mixed with feelings of happiness and promise. It was like emotional soup.

But I got up, I got dressed, and I fought through the day. I spent time reading my Bible while the kids were getting ready for school. I found enjoyment in having a nice hot cup of coffee and driving to my appointments in the sunshine. I fought back the temptations to call it quits and sulk for the day. Although difficult, my day was full of little joyful moments. Spending time with my husband, doing yardwork, finding some good finds at Costco. All while knowing that God walked with me through it all.

I found strength in prayer. I lamented to the Lord about all of the feelings I had and wondering how to work through them. I chose to walk in the light of the day instead of hiding in the corners of darkness that tempted me. That's the beauty in all of the choices we can make. We can choose the light. We can choose to lean on someone who has greater strength. We can choose faith.

I choose faith. But I'm still sweaty writing this as my phone is pinging with new site visitors. Exciting! Scary! Nervous tummy! But beautiful all the same. So, thank you.